Marriage relationship is a very serious union, and should be treated with utmost care and respect. An old adage insists that a man or a woman is not considered fortunate until he or she is married. This statement means that one’s marriage can make or destroy him.
Marriage is a covenant and must be considered sacred. But unfortunately, many people treat it lightly. No wonder they usually jump out totally bruised and bartered after nose-diving into it with too much laissez-faire.
To consider who to marry, let’s look at these factors:
1. SPIRITUAL FACTOR. (2 Cor 6:14 -Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ).
(i) Someone that has the fear of God. As a christian considering marriage, the most important quality you should be looking for is a man/woman that has geniune fear of God. This is simply because an alliance between a believer and non-believer is a misfit. A man/woman that has the fear of God will always act with caution in order to avoid severing his/her relationship with God. There will always be a limit he will not cross, no matter how provoked he/she is. Don’t jeopardize your future joy by bonding in marriage with someone who cares less about what God feels concerning any matter.
(ii) Someone that has regard for the spiritual authorities. Anyone that has regard for spiritual authorities has a reference. This simply means that he/she submits to rebuke, discipline. and counselling. Anyone that has no regard for the people in the authority in the church where he/she belongs, has got no reference. And for this reason, when grave problem arises at home, there will be no one to caution him/her, since he/she is “above the law’.
(iii) Someone that is committed to his/her calling. Choose a partner that is not only excited about his/her calling, but also committed to fulfilling it. When your spouse understands his/her divine mandate, he will be focused and passionate about it, and that will influence how he/she handles everything, including marriage relationship.
2. SOCIOLOGICAL FACTOR. (Amos 3:3 -Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?).
(i) You must speak the same language. In other words, you should marry a man or a woman you share the same values, belief, plans, vision, and aspirations with. The Bible affirms in Amos 3:3 that two people cannot walk together except they are in agreement.
Your spouse should be someone you can relate with freely as a friend without any sense of ambiguity or complications in communication. In this kind of relationship, there is no selfish ambition nor secrecy. The Bible says that Adam and Eve were both naked and were not ashamed.
(ii) Someone who has direction in life. Though this person may not have reached the peak of his/her career yet, though he/she may not possess all the resources needed to achieve the desired vision at the moment, but he/she knows where he/she is going. He/she should possess a good knowledge and understanding of what he/she wants, and makes every possible efforts towards realizing that.
(iii) Someone who has integrity in the society. Integrity quotient of a man or woman in the society is another important determiner in who to marry. Though everyone has got a past, and it’s an error digging up one’s past, but it is important to consider your spouse-to-be lifestyle as it relates to his/her current integrity. Is he/she a known scammer, drunkard, figher, quarrelsome, promiscous, disrespectful, thief, liar, unreliable, etc?
Avoid a morally bankrupt man or woman. Be careful not to walk down the isle with anyone with no good reputation.
3. PSYCHOLOGICAL FACTOR. (Proverbs 25:28 -A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls).
(i) A mentally balanced personality. Marry a mentally healthy person, not a psychiatric patient. Avoid a narcissist, avoid someone who does not have control over his/her temper, because such a person will make life unbearable for you. When all the excitement of infactuation dies down, this turbulent personality will stress the life out of you.
(ii) Someone with no complex problem. Someone struggling with either inferiority or superiority complex will always be difficult to cope with(small class/big class thing). If he feels inferior and not worthy of being in your class, he will always feel cheated, sidelined, looked down by you, will definitely have a low self image of himself. And if he feels overly superior and important, he will treat you with no regard, as if you are privileged to have him in your life. Anyone you cannot be on the same mutual platform with, should be avoided in marriage.
- A narcissist is arrogant, lacks empathy, and craves for praise. He is overly self-important, and has a manipulative tendancies.
4. PHYSICAL FACTOR. (Song of Solomon 1:15- How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves).
(i) Someone you are attracted to. This person may not be the most handsome nor the most beautiful, but there should be a level of attraction to a good extent. There should be something about him/her that makes you crave for his presence.
Remember you will live and grow old with this person, so if you don’t have anything about his/her person that makes you tick, you will soon get tired of him/her, and the marriage will collapse. There must be something about this person’s physique you admire. It could be the stature, the facial features, the smile, the body language, or may be the voice. But certainly, there must be something about this person’s physical appearance that endears him/her to you.
5. HEALTH FACTOR. (3 John 1:2 -Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit).
(i) A healthy person: This person has to be fit healthwise, better put, you should have an idea of the medical status of your future spouse. If one is convinced to go into marriage with a partner that has some health challenges, there may be nothing wrong with it, provided he/she is doing it without any form of compulsion. Transparency is very necessary here.
In conclusion
Marriage is a life-long journey, ensure you critically and prayerfully consider all the factors above before walking down the isle with someone. God bless you!
AMARA HOPE 