Courtship is a period when couples who intend settling down for marriage get to study and understand themselves better. It is usually a very exciting period, because it involves two individuals who are in love, and they treasure nothing more than the time they spend together. During this period, they confess their unalloyed love, make some breathtaking promises, and show extraordinary acts of kindess.
Whatever sacrifice or risk one takes during this period for the other partner, no matter how huge, is done with so much joy and ease. The propelling force is to watch the pleasant surprise on the other’s face, and hear those giglings and laughter that ensue as a result of the sacrifice made. And the recipient on the other end appreciates and treasures any offer no matter how little, and celebrates them as if the partner went all the way to the moon to get them done.
These are the feelings and attitude that abound during courtship. And because emotions run high this period, eyes are usually blinded to realities, feelings take tolls on reasoning.
Broken courtship, they say, is better than a broken marriage. Why is it so? Could it simply be because the damages incurred after a broken courtship usually take a shorter time to repair, while that of a broken marriage may stretch as long as a life lasts?
Let’s examine some red flags christians should watch out for during courtship.
Pressure for sex
When there is pressure from your partner for sexual activities whether in person or via cyber, it is a danger signal which will develop into a full fledged monster in years to come. A man or woman who cannot control his/her sexual urge during courtship, will definitely not control it when he is finally married.
Hostility
Any form of hostility toward another be it verbal or physical should be considered a red flag during courtship. If he/she finds it easy and normal nagging, abusing and malhandling you before marriage, he/she will find it easier and supernormal when both of you are finally legally married.
Outburst of anger
Be careful of a hot-tempered man or woman during courtship. This person is so touchy and is rarely controlled by reasoning but by emotions. And because of this anger, he/she takes rash decisions which results in losing valuable friends, jobs, opportunities, etc.
Stinginess
When a man or a woman is stingy during courtship, don’t think that he/she is just being prudent. It’s only a red flag to a miser that you will be spending your entire life with, if you go ahead and marry him/her.
Addiction
If you notice that your partner is addicted to any lifestyle or substance, it is a danger sign of what the future holds for you.
Disrepectful to parents/adults
What is your spouse’s regard for his/her parents, your parents, and other adults around him/her? It is the same measuring stick he/she would most likely use for you! Anyone who is disrepectful to adults will not treat his spouse any better.
Lack of consistency in speech/action
Chronic liars live very fake life, and fortunately, this could be discovered by the help of God during courtship. When a man or woman’s speech or action is not consistent with the reality, it is a danger sign.
Church membership and commitment
God factor is the major determiner in christian marriage. Being a committed member of a church is not a visa to ‘my home, my paradise’, but it is a very essential requirement. This is because the church as a family of God, there are checks and balances. If your partner is not answerable to any church, it is a red flag!
THE BIG LIE
Most times, infatuation does not allow people to accept the gravity of the faults they discover in their partner during courtship, and this is very unfortunate. Thinking that you can change a man or woman’s attitude after wedding has proven a big lie! This is because even the very attempt to change him/her is usually the root cause of many frictions at home.
Except you are doubly sure the Lord asks you to continue in this relationship, even when you have seen all the danger signs (because of what He wants to accomplish), as in the case of the prophet Hosea. In that case, the Lord will either change him/her, or grant you the grace to endure till the end. Otherwise, I would advice you to end any relationship where the above red flags abound, work on yourself first. Don’t tie the knot with those danger signs. Never set yourself up for a bad marriage or inevitable divorce!
AMARA HOPE 