I nodded in affirmation, “Just take a little rest, I am sure we will meet up with the deadline”. I reassured her, holding her hand. She was a bit resistant, but not for a long time. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she dozed off, still clinging to my hand, as if she wanted to ensure that I don’t sneak out while she was asleep. I sat still beside her, trying as much as possible to avoid any movement that could upset her. She slept profoundly !
“This body desperately needs some sleep, but Anne won’t let it, she hasn’t let this body enjoy a good sleep lately.” I murmured to myself as I watch her sleep. She tells me often how scarcely she sleeps nowadays. And as I sit here watching her still holding my hand firmly, in retrospect I wonder, “Is Anne’s seemingly blissful marriage to Felix which only lasted for 5 years worth all the heart-ache she is going through at the moment?”
Anne and Felix met in their final year in the university, and they fell ‘madly’ in love with each other. Anne was such a beauty to behold! Her slender, tall, and elegantly formed body made her very outstanding. Everything about her speaks perfection – her ebony skin colour, her dentition, her eyes, just everything about her. And what more, she’s very decent and belongs to All Christians Campus Fellowship (ACCF). And Felix on the other hand is a man most young girls would want to settle down with. He’s not only handsome and very intelligent, he’s from a very wealthy background.
But then there was a problem ! The executives of ACCF were not comfortable with the way Anne and Felix were parading themselves on campus. They complained that the intimacy they were maintaining was too close for comfort, arguing that christian courtship has got a standard and respects limit. They were often seen at ungodly hours of the night. In fact there was this rumour everywhere that they both, sometimes, spent their weekends together at Felix’s parents’ estate. So the Executives of ACCF invited Anne together with Felix, who had started following her to this fellowship as soon as they started going out. Anne had told him that that was the only criterion to accept his proposal, so he obliged.
During the meeting, Felix took offence as the president of the fellowship started talking about modesty in christian courtship. “How dare you intend to run my life ? You want to dictate how we do our courtship ? Do you consider that you are talking to two adults?” he snapped! Every attempt to calm him down was to no avail. His ego was badly bruised, so he walked out on them in a fury of emotion. Anne was hurt too. She felt Felix was humiliated because of her. She couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t let them be, after all they would soon get married. She left them and ran after her dear Felix. That was the last time they were seen in ACCF. She cut off every relationship she had with anyone in that fellowship, at least no one would worry her life anymore.
She told me that her parents’ church also invited them for pre-marital counselling class also, but that they stopped this class when the pastor emphasized no sex during courtship. She moved in with Felix as soon as they graduated from the university, and within six months, they got married in a haste when they discovered that she was pregnant. None of her friends was around because they weren’t invited. Their families were there, and that’s all that mattered !
Three years into the marriage, her ordeal started !And alas! they do not belong to any Christian assembly, because they would not want anyone to run their lives. The only people she could turn to were Felix’s parents. Unfortunately his parents are not ready to intervene, they feel their son has right to enter into a relationship with any woman of his choice, and at the same time, can quit if he’s tired of the relationship. ”My dear girl’, Felix mother told her ‘when our son introduced you to us as his girlfriend, we didn’t object to it, despite the social class differences, we gave him all our support. Now that he came back complaining and wants out, we have no option than to support him. And if he comes back tomorrow and says ‘Mum, Dad, I have settled with Anne’, we will also accept it with all our heart”.
Anne has been totally overwhelmed with grief. She had no Christian friends to run to, she abandoned all of them during her ‘hay years’, despite their several attempts to reach her. She changed her telephone line and made every contact to her impossible. Three months ago, she met a very loving Christian lady in a park near their house, this lady perceived her agony, and preached the gospel of Christ to her. Completely broken, she opened up to this stranger. It’s this lady that introduced me to her.
It’s already 17.15 pm, Anne is still sleeping, and still clinging to my hand, and I am still sitting here wondering if getting married by all means and at the cost of our relationship with God and the people so dear to us, and then in exchange a Major depressive Disorder condition, the pangs of divorce after a few years into the marriage, the agony of moving out of a place we have been emotionally attached to, the excruciating thought of who keeps the children, and so no, actually worth the pain ?
AMARA HOPE 